Real Beauty: Perceptions Differ

One of the definitions of the word Beauty (as given by Merriam- Webster) is the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit. Thus it is related to our senses,our mind and our spirit. This means that real beauty would be different for different people. This is quite obvious when we observe physical concepts of beauty differ in different cultures, races, countries etc. These concepts change with time. Another aspect of this definition of beauty is that these are qualities, which are not necessarily the visual qualities.So anything can be beautiful ;  music, fragrance, the inherent or developed qualities of a human being.

Let me restrict myself to human beings. In the present scenario, everyone wants to 'look' beautiful! A lot of importance is being given to superficial and external beauty. Scientists are coming out with the measurements/ratios of 'perfect' or 'real' beauty. Plastic surgeons are using these measurements to make people look beautiful. In addition we have the various creams, serums which are supposed to make us look beautiful and then the gyms and fitness clubs. The cosmetics and fashion industry is thriving on the aspirations of millions to match the concepts of beauty that is being 'sold' to them through various media. Thus a lot of economic activity is being driven by the 'want' to look beautiful. Mine and your want..

But what about 'feeling' beautiful? That feeling which does not necessarily come out of how we look. This sense of feeling beautiful depends on our emotional well being, our happiness and human qualities of kindness, empathy and the like. The kind of lifestyle we lead nowadays with all its tensions, pressures is not exactly helping us feel good about ourselves. We lament about the lack of everything but do nothing about improving our situation. We want to look good and beautiful to others, hide our real self beneath this veneer of 'Beauty'. But how long would this last... thus we have rising problems of depression, burnouts etc. The pressure on us to match up to the ideals of beauty, success, happiness is too much to handle and makes us forget ourselves, our true happiness and true beauty. The external image that we present to others is but a distortion of what we truly are... In the glam and glitter of the world around us, we lose sense of real beauty... and join the rat race of looking beautiful rather than being beautiful. 

For me real beauty is within each of us. To discover that beauty within us and within others is truly a gift. Of course, a good dress, or haircut, or a bright nail-polish does make me happy but it can only do so much to add to my self confidence and self image. What I am, how beautiful I truly am depends on my actions, my thoughts which are again relative and need not be the same for you. Basically there is nothing real... its all an illusion... and my illusion differs from yours!! I believe everybody is beautiful in their own unique way.So why don't you sit down and think about what does being beautiful mean to you?

P.S the thought of writing this blog from IndiBlogger's What does Real Beauty mean to you. IndiBlogger is a good website for avid bloggers and readers. Do check it out! :)

Safety of women and self defense

We are all living in this illusion of safety. That a woman can be attacked and assaulted in the ladies compartment of a train is totally appalling. It shows us the lack of security and safety in our cities. Delhi, even though it is the capital of India, is somewhere I would not want to live in and neither would my parents encourage. Just the  incidents that actually get reported would discourage any woman to go live on her own in the city. But this is closer to home!On 28th January 2011, there was this report in the newspaper claiming that Kochi is safe for women. I sarcastically had retorted that this is because women here do not step out after 7 pm! 

If anything this recent tragedy that cut short the life of Soumya only points to the glaring issues that need to be addressed regarding the safety and security of women. The fact that this happened in the Ladies compartment of a train, is ironic and makes us question the kind of security provided.  This struck me as my parents always asked me to avoid sitting in the ladies compartment unless there are a good number of co - passengers. According to them the ladies compartment in the most dangerous one!

Lot of hue and cry is being raised over this incident now. Citizens are agitated and indignant. The politicians are making statements and counter statements.A lot of promises are being made. The media is also giving a lot of hype. But what will change actually remains to be seen. Once this story becomes 'stale', will the issue of the freedom of a woman to travel, to even get out of the house at any time of the day remain an important issue? Will the women in Kerala stand up and raise their voice against any kind of exploitation or harassment  faced by them almost on a daily basis? Or will they accuse each other of being the instigating these attacks? I now remember the public signature campaign that our college students' council against the harassment faced by women while travelling in buses and otherwise. It had generated a mass response from both the local media and the public and a lot of changes were definitely brought about. But even those were short lived and not consistent.

Who is to blame for these kind of attacks on the dignity and safety of women?

The lax attitude of the government?

The society in which such perverted characters are molded?

Ourselves?

How can such attacks be prevented? How can we make our cities safer for women? Multiple responsibilities fall on multiple people. 

Let us first talk about ourselves before anyone else

So how do we ensure our safety, security and keep our dignity? The easiest and most obvious is not to travel alone after a certain time.  But that would only encourage these hoodlums to attack the women who have no other choice but to travel by night. And what if you are attacked when at home or some where else?

I have written down some thoughts which came to my mind 

• 
  
• Learn some self defense techniques! It will also boost your confidence.
• Be alert and aware of people and your surroundings (this is applicable whether it is day or night)
• Stay with the crowd. Especially at night do not move around deserted areas.
• • Avoid speaking on the mobile phone or do anything which can make u seem distracted.
• Use a barrier or distance to make an attack difficult. Thus lock your doors!
• Always carry something which is easily and quickly accessible to use as a weapon. An umbrella ( especially the kalan kuda)! A Pen, a safety pin and don't hesitate to use it if required!
• Do not hesitate to scream, shout in case you are being targeted whether overtly or covertly i.e attract attention.
• If attacked, act quickly and decisively. How to escape or how to fight and incapacitate the attacker needs to be decided keeping in mind the surroundings and the situation.
• Use your strongest weapons against the weakest targets of the attacker. The eyes, throat,  and groin are the primary targets while the abdomen and face are the secondary targets. Your strong weapons are the bottom of your feet, elbows, hammer fists and palm heels.
• Stand up for any other woman being harassed or attacked. You also could be in a similar situation!
• Please do approach the authorities. Do not hesitate to file a complaint. The perverted offenders should not be allowed to move around scot-free.
• Share your experiences and tips on how to prevent such attacks with other women. Educate them. 

 These are not in any way an exhaustive list on how to prevent attacks and how to defend/protect yourself. But I hope it has given you some information and insight. If we act meek and submissive the chances of being targeted will only increase and at the same time reckless and reactive action is also not advised. Common sense, confidence and alertness are key to preventing attacks/ harassment and defending yourself.

What the government and railway authorities will or won't do, we cannot be sure of. But that should not stop us from protecting ourselves or our loved ones.

She.. A woman

The Sex,

Once known, it remains

To be seen,

If she would see light

Or murdered she would be

Within,

Will this world, she see??

By birth, it’s decided,

Her future,

Her thoughts, conditioned to submit,

Her Voice, subdued and restricted

Every step she is made to realize that she is different,

Through Rebuke, Idealization, Emotion or something else

She is made to feel different, think different

The Child is moulded into a 'She'

Growing up is a pain,

Shame and Modesty

These words are introduced

The Honour and Dignity of the family

Are put into her innocent lap,

Even the Culture of India,

To be protected by her actions!

Confused and Encumbered

She remains,

Everything is changing, nothing remains the same

She is made into what is wanted of her

Not, who she is...or who she wants to be

Is there a choice?

Marriage is inevitable,

Not that against it I am

But why inevitable? From her birth,

She is told

Preparations start,

All the saving, investing

More than that the lessons

Of subservience, manipulations and techniques of control!!

(She needs some weapons too you see!)

Her life is a saga of

Sacrifice, Compromise, and many other 'ices'

Outspoken, she can’t afford to be

To be Seen, not Heard,

Sometimes not that, even

Father, Brothers,Husband, Children

Rule her world,

She is the foundation of their lives,

Yet ignored, rejected at times.

Put down, used, abused and abandoned

Intelligent? Hard working?

Artistic? Or whatever?

Does it matter?

What does she want? Does that matter?

What matters then?

The gender defines her roles

What she can do? How strong she is?

And Every other aspect of her life.

It is hard to break the mould,

It is difficult to find acceptance,

Feminist,Different, Bold, Selfish,Abnormal,

These or some other tags

Will be her reward, In case she does...

Achievements or Recognition, leave aside

To be herself, Just,

The Fights she has to face,

This is Her story

Being a woman...