The forbidden C-word

"Counselling?!! Counselling is for weirdos... not for me!" 

"We do not have 'problems' that we need to go  for counselling."

Just many of the statements I have heard from various sources but mainly men. I do not get why men (I know only about Indian men!) are averse to the concept of counselling. When you suggest that its not only when you have problems that you opt for counselling, its like trying to talk to a wall. I guess it is like one of those things like 'Men don't cry!' facade that men like to put up. Or it must be the zealousness to provide solutions to all the problems by themselves rather than ask for help... Asking for directions, anyone???

According to European Association for Counselling, counselling may be concerned with addressing and resolving specific problems, making decisions, coping with crisis, improving relationships, developmental issues, promoting and developing personal awareness, working with feelings, thoughts, perceptions and internal or external conflict. The overall aim is to provide clients with opportunities to work in self-defined ways, towards living in more satisfying and resourceful ways as individuals and as members of the broader society.

What is weird about that?  But I have not had the luck to be able to convince a man about  that till now. In this case I have found women to be more open to the concept of counselling.

The reason I actually believe that  counseling  can help is due to personal experience during certain phase of my life where just talking to my parents, friends was not enough. It was helpful to have a professional person who could guide me, someone non judgmental and though a stranger, but trustworthy. Someone who knows you is bound to bring his or her notions about what you are, what is right or wrong for them into the picture and even though may be your well wisher, not exactly able to help you. 

I just hope that this narrow mindedness about counselling doesn't stop them from asking for help if  they need it... and more important not stop people who want to opt for it...

A bit of dirty linen needs to be cleaned

I have a problem with a certain person and I have been contemplating whether it would be appropriate to write about this at all. It has been some time since this incident, but it has been eating me up that someone could get away with bad mouthing and bitching about me in a way that is so disgraceful and lowly. Neither can I still accept that someone can be so vicious and two faced. I need to vent out and do something about it... So here it goes!

I came to this institute with great expectations both from the institution and its people. One of the expectations  was to forge lasting friendship. I did also know that most of the student here would be younger than me and mostly fresh graduates. Never thought that it would be a problem. Also I believed that I could more or less understand a person and his or her character in a span of time.

All of this was proved wrong! Somewhere I made a mistake... I trusted the devil herself. And I expected some other lesser demons to actually be there for me during the hard times.  But anyway, the demons are being ignored right now

The first devil is responsible for a depression lasting for more than a month and had it been not for  few really close friends of mine ...it would have been difficult for me to put myself together. The lady in question made my life hell after becoming close to me. All the sweet talk,  sharing, going out places was replaced with banging doors, heavy silence, seclusion, bitching ( dirty lies) about me to her parents, to others( whom she used to  'hate' before!) in my presence!I wasn't entitled to even human considerations. Initially I thought I have done something really wrong (unintentionally) which is causing this kind of a out-lash, so I tried to talk to her and find out what exactly is the problem. But each time her response was more confusing and bewildering than anything.  The situation was thus that there was no way I could avoid her and this made me lose my cool and also affected my academic performance. It was definitely my fault that I allowed this person to get to me in this way. The  I cringe to think that what would be state when such a person gets into an organisation or a serious relationship! God also kind of let me get hurt, I guess to understand that I have a long way to go before I can actually unravel the twisted intricacies of certain human (devilish?) minds. Finally the ordeal ended for me. 

I never bothered with that person after that, just thankful that I am finally with people are genuine and who really care for me. The kind of damage her loose tongue had done was revealed to me only recently, which is making me furious within but also pity people like her who are shallow, superficial and fake. I also pity people who do not recognize people like this and get carried away by sweet talking frauds. But it is quite understandable that this artificiality cannot be sustained and true colours are revealed finally.

I hope this devil finally finds redemption which would only happen when she realises her folly (which I doubt!) But I feel a lot better after writing this down. Also I hope you would be careful about trusting someone...always safe that sorry.  It always hurts when someone you trust betrays you, no matter how many times it has happened before. So I wish none of you have to go through what I suffered.

No Rhyme No Reason

No rhyme no reason

Why I

Am with you

The pain I feel

Drives me closer to you

I realise that now

The days pass by

The fights, abuses and all

But I come back

How long,

Will go on this ?

No rhyme no reason

Why I

Am with you

The feelings the same

But something’s changed

The joy’s gone,

More of a hollow within

I loathe looking at you

But I can’t leave you

How long

Will go on this?

No rhyme no reason

Why I

Am with you

Yes, I love you still

But something’s changed

More of make believe

The thought of your touch

I shudder with fear

How long

Will go on this

No rhyme no reason

Why I

Am with you

Real Beauty: Perceptions Differ

One of the definitions of the word Beauty (as given by Merriam- Webster) is the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit. Thus it is related to our senses,our mind and our spirit. This means that real beauty would be different for different people. This is quite obvious when we observe physical concepts of beauty differ in different cultures, races, countries etc. These concepts change with time. Another aspect of this definition of beauty is that these are qualities, which are not necessarily the visual qualities.So anything can be beautiful ;  music, fragrance, the inherent or developed qualities of a human being.

Let me restrict myself to human beings. In the present scenario, everyone wants to 'look' beautiful! A lot of importance is being given to superficial and external beauty. Scientists are coming out with the measurements/ratios of 'perfect' or 'real' beauty. Plastic surgeons are using these measurements to make people look beautiful. In addition we have the various creams, serums which are supposed to make us look beautiful and then the gyms and fitness clubs. The cosmetics and fashion industry is thriving on the aspirations of millions to match the concepts of beauty that is being 'sold' to them through various media. Thus a lot of economic activity is being driven by the 'want' to look beautiful. Mine and your want..

But what about 'feeling' beautiful? That feeling which does not necessarily come out of how we look. This sense of feeling beautiful depends on our emotional well being, our happiness and human qualities of kindness, empathy and the like. The kind of lifestyle we lead nowadays with all its tensions, pressures is not exactly helping us feel good about ourselves. We lament about the lack of everything but do nothing about improving our situation. We want to look good and beautiful to others, hide our real self beneath this veneer of 'Beauty'. But how long would this last... thus we have rising problems of depression, burnouts etc. The pressure on us to match up to the ideals of beauty, success, happiness is too much to handle and makes us forget ourselves, our true happiness and true beauty. The external image that we present to others is but a distortion of what we truly are... In the glam and glitter of the world around us, we lose sense of real beauty... and join the rat race of looking beautiful rather than being beautiful. 

For me real beauty is within each of us. To discover that beauty within us and within others is truly a gift. Of course, a good dress, or haircut, or a bright nail-polish does make me happy but it can only do so much to add to my self confidence and self image. What I am, how beautiful I truly am depends on my actions, my thoughts which are again relative and need not be the same for you. Basically there is nothing real... its all an illusion... and my illusion differs from yours!! I believe everybody is beautiful in their own unique way.So why don't you sit down and think about what does being beautiful mean to you?

P.S the thought of writing this blog from IndiBlogger's What does Real Beauty mean to you. IndiBlogger is a good website for avid bloggers and readers. Do check it out! :)

Making it Happen!

   We all wish for that something more in our life. Be it money, love, a more satisfying career... anything. There is more often than not something which remains elusive in our lives. The one thing that would make our life a dream come true. 

What stops us from going forward and pursuing our dreams and eccentricities?

   The life that we all want is not beyond our reach... Its just that we need to extend our hand a bit further and stretch our limits to the maximum. The reason for hesitation may differ for each of us. But that our devil... and we need to fight it if we want to achieve something in life which we are proud of. Whatever it may be!

   I have so many different things in my mind which I want to do in this life. And each experience  would make me a better person. But something pulls me back always... I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind I am afraid of taking risks now and I want to take the safe track in life! That is my Devil! And its hard to fight it. 

   So whenever someone questions me about the path that I want to take or have taken. I get confused about my decisions, question it! And then only doubts prevail rendering me incapable of real action. But when it comes to decision making in my professional and other capacities, I am sure about myself. But for any decision concerning my life, career or studies I tend to look for external support.And we all know what happens if u get too much advice and suggestions! I have been restricting myself, tying my own wings and suppressing my desires behind the wall of doubt and confusion.Well its high time that this wall is broken! 

   The first step to overcome weakness is to understand it. Only then you can alert yourself when the weakness starts raising its hood. Thus now I am more cautious about going into the over cautious mode! What if I make a mistake sometimes is the question that hounds me...But then mistakes are made by people who do not try anything new. As James Joyce once said," “A man's errors are his portals of discovery.”

Its time to fly now...and follow my happiness! :)

I still hold on...

It makes me go crazy

The Past

But I never let others know

Still holding on to the grudges,

The mistakes,

Forgiveness, doesn't come

Naturally to me

I still hold on,

Even though, its all gone

The spitefulness within,

Burns more fiercely,

My thoughts hurt me more and more

The lids closed though and

the tumult within

Unknown to the ones I love

Respite I find through words and colours

But I still hold on

Even though, its all gone

Dark Secrets,

Deep Regrets

Somethings, never to be shared

Never to be let out

To the grave they will go

With me and me alone

A Pandora's Box,

But I still hold on

Even though, its all gone

Courtsey and Politeness a thing of the past????

Thank You! May I? Could you please?? I am a bit busy right now, shall I call you back later?? ( and actually calling back) etc etc.

All these I guess have become a thing of the past... Is it unfashionable to be polite and courteous? So many instances, I have observed people (including myself) just not bothering with the small niceties like actually calling back in case they miss some one's call, thanking somebody for the help they rendered, etc.

Another observation is the scenario when one is not in a position to help or doesn't want to help and yet do not state (let it be any reason) that fact to the person concerned... just dilly dally until the last moment and finally just avoid him/her (that's just being so insensitive and wrong!!) Thus the person who needs help is just left high and dry with no other option either
Just a simple ' Hey buddy I'm sorry don't think I can do that!' or "Sorry, I don't think I can make it today!!' would have been better!

But instead, calls are not attended to, messages not replied to... Is this what friendship all about??? Don't the basic qualities of courtesy, politeness have no value anymore?

Or is that in this fast world, we do not have time for all these 'mundane' things in life?

I wonder on.....

Change is the only constant!?

'Change is the only constant'

It is a translation or interpretation of a quote by the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, 'Nothing Endures but Change'.

This reminds me what our Integrated Marketing Communication Prof used to say, ' Change is changing!!' We used to laugh so often at this!! But it is true, I believe.

Change can be felt all around us and even within us at all times. From the evident changes in technology, development, science, attitudes etc to the obscure ones that happen deep within the consciousness of individuals, in our bodies, in minds!! Change is the one thing that endures.

Now a question pops up. Is Change related to time? What are the factors which affect Change?

If I start thinking on that then the doubts and thoughts would be eternal I guess? But it makes a wonderful topic for a philosophical discussion I suppose?

Getting back to the topic, I feel one of the important aspects of society is the the concept of right and wrong. What is acceptable or unacceptable, social or anti Social, Moral or immoral? Social mores that are defined by the society's norms or values, which are derived from the established practices of society rather than laws. These keep changing.

This is the era of stark contrasts.In the existence of 'live-in' relationships, 'inter-caste' marriages, DINK lifestyles along with 'dishonour killings', caste and gender discrimination, etc, we can see the forces of change which also brings about conflict, confusion and identity crisis.The push and pull between the conventional and unconventional, traditional and modern,gives way to a new way of thinking which may be a blend of all. Everything around us evolving, for the better or worse. While polygamy, child marriage and 'sati' are no longer the norms, flesh trade, pornography (particularly child pornography, bestiality which i think are perversions), drug abuse etc are on the rise. What is right and what is not may be an individual choice, but should not be one which harms the innocent and the vulnerable. Everyone has a right to choose, to decide what is best for them.And even that may change with time!

I do not what to debate on rights and wrongs here... that varies from individual to individual, culture to culture. But it is interesting to observe the forces of change at play and how the society, individuals evolve under different conditions.

The reaction to change may vary, the intensity may vary but change is universal, change is eternal. Change ensures continuity of life and society. Change ensure survival of species. Change brings about innovation. Thus change is not only constant but essential too

Why I am not able to write nowadays??

I have been contemplating for some days why I am not able to write as often as I used to before. I used to jot down something or the other at least once every week, and not just poetry. My views on various current issues, essays, poems etc etc. Its hard for me to even remember those days now. And not that I don't get ideas on what to write about (even though that's what my usual excuse is!!) I even get suggestion on what I could write about, but more often than not am not able to follow that up.

So I thought, like many do, let me also at least write about my inability to create something worthy with words.

A friend asked me recently, 'So what can be the reason you don't write as frequently as before?'

Here are the possible answers that I can think of :

1. I don't have time ? ( that sounds lame even to me!! he he)
2. Words don't flow as they used to before (something which can be termed as 'writer's block?) Yes, to an extent this is true. Even though I may have an idea about what to write about, sometimes I am not able to express myself through my writings and so i just give up.
3. Not inspired enough? Hmm...true, although the correct word would be passionate enough... not passionate enough about anything to write about it.
4. What I write I scrap.... yeah that happens often too...

Okay, Okay! I can go on about my various reasons, but what I want to and should do is begin again.... transforming my thoughts and imagination into words, linking them to the real world and hopefully creating something which you would love to read, think about and may be discuss... which would touch your mind and soul... give you some happiness, a break from the daily stress and tension... like a pleasant breeze , enthralling waterfall or a beautiful sunset!!!

Wow! That would actually make my day!!!

Wish me luck....

:)

Places and fond memories!!

Being an army officer's daughter, we had to travel a lot. Sometimes within a year, six months or even within two months!! As a result I have been to 14 different schools from lower kindergarten onwards till the XIIth Standard. Sometimes used to find it quite tough, moving on, leaving friends!!! But then the thrill of shifting to a new place, meeting new people, making new friends also was there. Each place has given new experiences and learning, some fond memories, some sad moments and really great friends!! Every city, town or village has something unique to it and something endearing. Either the people there, the climate, the teachers, friends, the freedom or some other factor which makes it unforgettable and memorable. After the initial adjustment issues, I always got emotionally attached to the place, only to move again. May be that is the reason that I don't have the particular attachment to any place. Home is where I am, where my family is. Whichever be that city, town or village.

Been a long time now!!

Its been a long time since I have written anything.. I guess I was out of touch with my creative self.. Writing is in essence my shelter... my own world away from the real one...The world which i turn to in times of distress, confusion or anger...

The past few months have gone by fast... So fast that I have not had the time to take a slow down and look within.. introspect...analyse..think...

I am guessing that I will have lots of time to do that now...Right now I am just going to write about whatever pops up in my head

When i think about myself..About the purpose of my existence... the aim of my life... I get confused. I have a lot of good ideas about what I can do with my life... But none of them actually tempt me enough to take a concrete step towards it. Yes, I am indecisive, I procrastinate and I am not determined enough I guess.

From there let me come to what my family criticises me about

My mother says I am good at twisting words and interpreting meanings that may or may not be there.. My father says I am very critical...My brother, well he is totally fed up of my temper... Well all said and done... I love them and they love me too.

I have made a lot of mistakes in life...well am kind a black sheep in my family..but i don't regret it. Cause God made me that way, I speak my mind and do things which I feel are right (sometimes i do them knowing that they are wrong :P) But I know that my God loves me, he protects me and guides me sometimes too... Cause again I am here for a reason...

Reason for my existence??? well there has to be some reason right?

There are times when you are lonely even in a crowd... it happens to me often... I just kind of blank out everything else... I wish that was possible more often... especially when one tries to study :P

What does feeling lonely actually mean... is it something within you.. or is it external... can somebody make u feel lonely even when you are with them, or does loneliness come from within like happiness?

Oh it feels so nice to just go on writing you know... The maximum that can happen is that one of you guys may criticise my style of writing or the contents...right?? and I am open for a discussion!!

Will be trying to continue writing regularly...

Live and Let Live!!

I am an individual, a human being…a unique creation of God ( if u believe in Him/Her) or of nature.. I am also a part of this civilization which has evolved over years of interactions among humans, with nature and other creatures, scientific discoveries and inventions, disasters and wars and much more.

My existence and survival depends on others(human or non human)..how much ever I try to deny that fact, I cannot survive without the interactions and actions of others..and more importantly my actions have consequences not only for me but for others who in some way are connected to me..I cannot disregard this.


Till recently I did not give a thought to this responsibility that is on me...I can make a difference in others' lives through unintentional actions of mine. I realise now that there needs to be some kind of a check on one self...I cannot fulfill all my whims and fancies just because its my life...my life is intertwined with the lives of others and not just my family, siblings or friends..I need to be considerate and more understanding that my life is mine but I don't have the right to cause harm to another just because I think its right according to me... So the statement that I do what I think is right goes right down the drain...


The theory of six degrees of separation was mentioned in one of the conversations with my friends..That comes back to me right now...The modern world is shrinking...and even though it is also observed that human beings are becoming more and more self centred and egoistic..I think it can also be said that our actions can have far greater repercussions than we think. Thus the need to realise the same and think carefully about each step we take in life..


Live and Let Live!!!

Freedom..

Can we just live life one day at a time

No worries, no fuss, no pretensions..

Is that possible...

I wonder why we look for attachments, 

Bondings which pull us down

And render us incapable of

Objectivity?

Is there someway to break free...

Difficult, may be impossible 

To truly be free

Is it practical in the 

age we live?

The pain, the sorrow

The pangs of separation,

The illusion of joy,

Everything can be avoided

If it was only possible to

Attain liberty...

Is it worth trying???

Bright sunny meadows...

fragrance of fresh hay and flowers

Amalgamate and bring forth haunting memories

Of the childhood past...adolescence lost

The Age of innocence and freedom

simplicity and fun....

The splendour of the sunset 

reminds of the playful abandon and careless joy

Nothing to regret, nothing to contemplate

Living in the moment

Of pure ecstasy, grief or anger

And move on as well

The brilliance of the past is long gone....

The future is doubtful...

The present looks bleak...dark and deep...

Lets for one moment

Be happy as we are now

At this moment...

Forget the world and Just BE...

Crossroads...

I stand here wondering which

Path to take

The paths which are yet to be made…

The paths already traced out in front

Where will they take me

What dangers and hurdles lie in front

I know not

Only the courage and spirit of life

Takes me ahead

But still I am in a dilemma

Knowing that it doesn’t matter, whatever

Has to happen will

But still the mind wonders and wonders on

The confusion clouds the mind

And renders logic and reason helpless

As I stand wondering here which path to take in life

Well there is always a tendency in me to complicate my life... I think I am very good at it...may be no one can do it like me...

Just cannot let life be as it is,

Always the search for more,

better, and even more...

The Quest, almost always lands me

in a quagmire, the solution to which

Involves that which am terrible at ;

Deciding

between something desirable, lovable, 

unnatainable, unreasonable or un

Importance of anyone, questioned, cannot be

I procrastinate, delay and try to circumvent

And then comes a point where finally life takes a decision!!!

And tries to attain the equilibrium that 

I always tend to destroy....

I know it