A bit of dirty linen needs to be cleaned

I have a problem with a certain person and I have been contemplating whether it would be appropriate to write about this at all. It has been some time since this incident, but it has been eating me up that someone could get away with bad mouthing and bitching about me in a way that is so disgraceful and lowly. Neither can I still accept that someone can be so vicious and two faced. I need to vent out and do something about it... So here it goes!

I came to this institute with great expectations both from the institution and its people. One of the expectations  was to forge lasting friendship. I did also know that most of the student here would be younger than me and mostly fresh graduates. Never thought that it would be a problem. Also I believed that I could more or less understand a person and his or her character in a span of time.

All of this was proved wrong! Somewhere I made a mistake... I trusted the devil herself. And I expected some other lesser demons to actually be there for me during the hard times.  But anyway, the demons are being ignored right now

The first devil is responsible for a depression lasting for more than a month and had it been not for  few really close friends of mine ...it would have been difficult for me to put myself together. The lady in question made my life hell after becoming close to me. All the sweet talk,  sharing, going out places was replaced with banging doors, heavy silence, seclusion, bitching ( dirty lies) about me to her parents, to others( whom she used to  'hate' before!) in my presence!I wasn't entitled to even human considerations. Initially I thought I have done something really wrong (unintentionally) which is causing this kind of a out-lash, so I tried to talk to her and find out what exactly is the problem. But each time her response was more confusing and bewildering than anything.  The situation was thus that there was no way I could avoid her and this made me lose my cool and also affected my academic performance. It was definitely my fault that I allowed this person to get to me in this way. The  I cringe to think that what would be state when such a person gets into an organisation or a serious relationship! God also kind of let me get hurt, I guess to understand that I have a long way to go before I can actually unravel the twisted intricacies of certain human (devilish?) minds. Finally the ordeal ended for me. 

I never bothered with that person after that, just thankful that I am finally with people are genuine and who really care for me. The kind of damage her loose tongue had done was revealed to me only recently, which is making me furious within but also pity people like her who are shallow, superficial and fake. I also pity people who do not recognize people like this and get carried away by sweet talking frauds. But it is quite understandable that this artificiality cannot be sustained and true colours are revealed finally.

I hope this devil finally finds redemption which would only happen when she realises her folly (which I doubt!) But I feel a lot better after writing this down. Also I hope you would be careful about trusting someone...always safe that sorry.  It always hurts when someone you trust betrays you, no matter how many times it has happened before. So I wish none of you have to go through what I suffered.

The Internship Diary

I joined an organisation as intern on the 28th this month. It is a government organisation and I am involved in this initiative into block level planning which is being done in Maharashtra. It is going to be challenging especially since the onus of organising and structuring my internship lies on my shoulders!In addition the problem with language! I am not sure how much I would be able to manage it... my mother's surely apprehensive about the whole travelling alone thing.. But today I have decided to keep an open mind about it and move ahead. Its only when you do things which you have never done before that you learn and grow... may I will also pick up a bit of Marathi in the bargain!! 

So the coming week I will be travelling to a district in Maharashtra to observe the process of Micro planning being organised. Excited about actually being able to see a process which aims at bottom up planning which is 'need' based and integrating these into higher level plans. 

I would try to share this journey with you... cause I think that this would be the best way. It would help me unwind and de-stress and at the same time those of you who are interested could also provide me insights and guidance! 

So wish me luck... :)

Troubles, Turmoil, Change and Me...

Yes!  I know this isn't the first time that I have neglected my blog. Its been more than two months since I wrote anything... Ideas have been there flying right, left and centre but its the same lame old excuse that I am going to give that there was just no time to sit down and write them down.

Too much of change and turmoil has been going on in life. Getting back to student life again after 2 and half years is not a joke as I recently found out. Now I can truly appreciate my classmates from Bharathidasan Institute of Management, Bangalore campus... Kiccha you rock man!!! :) My third innings at education is working out fine as of now. Moving from a pure management science perspective to a more social and political perspective is obviously taking time, but since I do not intend to choose sides, I can consciously evaluate the pros and cons of each.


Another learning out the experiences here is that it is not possible to keep everyone happy and I have realized that people love to complicate things rather than talk and simplify or resolve issues. And it is not necessary to be able to actually like or make them like you.  Its not important... and its best to maintain distance from people who are never going to matter in your life.Thus engage with them in a detached and unsentimental manner. Its best to chose carefully the people whom you give the power to be able to affect you whether negatively or positively... this is a selfish world and its best to learn that at the earliest than be sorry about it later!!

For the uninitiated and uninformed, I joined Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS), Mumbai for my second post graduation in Habitat Policy and Practice in June. Its been a whirlwind since then, new friends, adjusting to student life (the most painful part is money management!!!), adjusting to living within limited resources, roommates, hostel food, assignments.....aaaaahhhhhh!!! I am not sure if I have totally settled down even now but atleast the initial tempest has calmed now and I think I have found my footing...

Hopefully I would be able to write more often, because I genuinely miss sharing my thoughts and more than that the comments that you write to encourage, criticize...
So that is all for now....

Have fun...