Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Whom could she tell?

These days she could not sleep. She saw her husband and children sleep peacefully beside her and envied them. After the back breaking work of a whole day, the household chores, the daily farm work, she was exhausted but could not sleep!


As soon as she lay down, the same stifling feeling arose within her along with a restlessness that she could not describe. It had been a month now. She had not told anyone. Who could she share this with?


Her husband had long stopped conversations with her. The communications between them were now related to information sharing,about children and the routine requirements. There was no love anyway. In the beginning there was lust, now there is nothing other than duties, obligations and norms, which defines their marriage. But that is how it is, she already knew it. That is how it has always been.


Life is about doing what you are supposed to do not what you want to do. She had tried to make her daughter also understand the same. But she was too naive and foolhardy to understand this basic thing. Dreams and desires took over reason.


Her duty is towards her family, foremost towards her husband. She understood this. She had always been the faithful wife and the doting mother. Fasting and prayers were a part of her life. Gentle and sensitive, she never replied back or spoke in a loud voice. She could not hurt any living being, not even the cat which regularly stole milk from the kitchen.


She loved her daughter more than her sons. She was proud to be her mother. Her husband too loved the girl and treated her almost like his sons. They were not like other families who would not even educate their daughter. Her dream was to ensure that her daughter would pursue her dreams and live a better life than she did.

But that was not to be...

Her daughter, she betrayed them; her husband, her family. She brought shame. Love! How she hated this Love. Her daughter told her about love. That love was all that mattered to her. She could only stare at her girl, stare and stare. She was going to go. For Love!!!


It haunts her. The last moments of her daughter’s life, the last gasp of life!. She held her child close to her heart, comforted her with her embrace. The child whom she killed... she strangled and killed. She had to... for her husband... for her family... oh the honour! It haunts her... all night, all day


But whom could she tell?

Monday, March 27, 2017

The Journey is the Purpose...

I thought I knew everything that is to life... the past few months have changed that perception of mine. It is true that I have gone through experiences that many in my age would  not have till now. The fact that what I have gone through has contributed to my growth as a person and increased my understanding about life and myself  is also true. But now I think I am still largely ignorant about life...and seeking to understand the purpose of my life..

Logic cannot define what happens in life. It is experiential and different for everyone. The difference is in the experience and the way each of us look at these experiences. I used to be of the view that our character defines how we face certain situations, overcome difficulties, handle people and basically live life. But where does this 'character' come from? What factors govern this 'character'? What does it comprise of?  Is it totally dependent on me or you as an individual separate from family, religion, or society??  From the time we are born we are molded, corrected according to what is 'acceptable', 'appropriate', 'expected'. We are made to create this box of our own beyond which we cannot venture... all our thoughts are they ours? Or are we just repeating what we have been conditioned to think is right.

But that does not mean living a life without values or principles, but what are the values that are eternal and do not change - I seek those values! Values that connect humanity - or may be that drive creation.

I have also been wondering about this concept of the collective human un/conscious how does each individual action get reflected into this collective and what does that mean when I think regarding the consequences of my action beyond my lifetime.

This journey is a journey of solitude and silence, reflection and rigour... It is also endless - eternal - The journey of the human being...seeking purpose.


Sunday, March 26, 2017

Untitled..Incomplete

What I seek has not changed,
Neither has how I feel,
This is not about you and I,
Not just us but even more
Friendship, you say
I say love is the core
Love isn't complicated, we are
The manifestation of our needs, thoughts and deeds
We can choose, but
To love or not, is not a choice
It is the beginning
The source.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Together...

I wish to run
To you
Not to comfort you
To be held and comforted
Selfishness drives me to you
No doubt!
The questions unanswered
The questions unasked
Linger between us

The hope;
The bridge will soon be made
And we will cross over
To this place of serenity and solace
Together....


Togetherness won't ask for sacrifice
Nor for compromise
All it would need is to
Understand and accept
To be and let us be

Friday, March 24, 2017

From Pain to Possibilities

To get hurt
To feel the pain
Wrenching the heart
Is to realise your
Humanity
To remind you that
Your vanity was in
Vain
How to
Embrace the hurt,
the pain?
What matters?
The awareness of each experience,
The experience of each emotion
The realisation
There are always path of possibilities
Ahead,
Tread on, run ahead...

Smile...

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

A journey to the soul..

I yearn for a journey
To the souls
Explore the depths of
Our thoughts and desires
The core of our being
The light beckons
You see only darkness
I see the path to my salvation


I can see you laugh
Silently at my ramblings of passion
But rest I will not
Until the pursued joins the pursuit
For I know you will

Hidden in your contempt is the need to be
More than now,
And what better than the love of love
Unbridled by rights and wrongs of the present
But guided by creation
Vibrant and alive
To show you the path you desire and fear...
Is but the truth of your being..

Democracy of the confounded

What's right what wrong,
Who will decide for whom
The hand , the sickle or the lotus bloom
The common man...
Who is she?
The majority...
Where are they?
The voters...
What do they do?
The country...
Is it even true?
What choice do I have,
Or do you?
To be where you are..
To live where you do...

To do what you want...