Monday, January 10, 2011

Before marriage till marriage!

Man is a social being. This is something which we have all studied at some point of time. Thus one of the most cruel and effective form of punishment/ torture meted out to criminals, terrorists, etc is solitary confinement. The need to communicate and interact is something of the utmost importance to human beings in order to retain their human nature. Self expression, exchange of ideas and organisation are somethings which we are experts at utilizing for our benefits. Thus we have groups beginning from the family to nations. We have created complex social structures which compete and cooperate with each other. On the basis of social interactions among human beings spread over time and continents, we have established a wide variety values, norms and rituals which are the foundations of the human society.

The society keeps changing, earlier this change was at a much slower pace. Somethings which were unacceptable, unpardonable and frowned upon, are now part and parcel of our society and nobody gives a second thought to them. Similarly, some accepted aspects of society are now considered a blight on society. Thus change is also an important aspect of human civilization.

This change has also affected the dynamics of men and women. May be some people have enjoyed or suffered these changes more than the other! There are of course extreme situations of women still living in the same age old conditions and bound in tradition or poverty,but in this particular discussion I would not elaborate on that. Feminism, Liberalism, Capitalism and many other 'isms' have contributed in parts to this change. So a woman doesn't look at a good marriage/alliance or domestic life as the only criterion which makes her life a success. It is definitely still one of the most important things to majority of women but education, career, self dependence, financial independence, an interesting social life are also being counted somewhere on the list.

A fairly well educated woman in her twenties wants almost everything from a good job, a handsome and loving husband, friends,a fun social life, decent salary etc etc etc. She doesn't want to have the life of her mother, she wants it to be better and bigger! Any mention that her gender makes her vulnerable is almost blasphemous. Her semi-liberalism and semi-feminism along with her ego would be a force to reckon with. She is assertive, confident and has her own opinion on everything ranging from fashion to politics. At work she may be ruthless.Efficient, competitive and aggressive she want that corner office to be hers. She looks for true love and romance but at the same time is practical when it comes to decision making...She is becoming more and more demanding it seems... ah and confused too. What is the most important? What is the priority?

Until few years ago, the man was the sole breadwinner of the family. He took on the burden of providing a good life and a better future for his children, at least in financial aspect.A well settled (government) job, a 'good' wife along with a sizable dowry would probably make him seem more successful back then.Now look at a twenty or thirty something man, he is equally confused. The father was feared and revered. His appreciation and love, one could only see the glimpses of. He sees his mother, always loving , most probably a housewife. She was the stable rock of his family when his father was busy working or on tours. She is the quintessence of womanhood and selflessness for him. The women his age confuse him. They are his classmates, friends, colleagues/superiors. Equally aggressive and competitive as men, and given undue advantage at times due to their gender. And yet they crib about inequality! Life is becoming tough for him. A simple joke and they get offended!

He is in a reasonably good job and enjoys the weekend parties and stuff.Parents want him to marry, but is he ready for marriage? And demands from the parents of the prospective brides are also high. In addition, the question of whether or not to accept dowry. His ex gf thought he was an MCP with double standards. Yes,it is imperative for him to earn more than his wife, what will his friends and family say otherwise! He wants a working woman, but not a career woman.He wants to definitely have a better life than his father, who he thinks had it all easy. The option of changing jobs is open, but with the recession and all, the growth in salary is not worth it. At the same time staying in a company for more than three years may mean stagnation. May be he should go for further studies?Or is it better to get married and 'settled' now?

       And it is in between all this confusion that suddenly a their families find a good match in each other's families, backgrounds, etc. Its in a daze that meet each other, ask each other some questions, forgetting the important ones, which  they always wanted to. 
'Do you like her/him?'  

'Yeah she/he is okay. I would like to spend more time though.'

'Oh sure! You will have all the time after the engagement. We need to fix a date for that though.'

After that its a whirlwind... Time passes so quickly .. then engagement, the thousands of calls and SMS's, each of them trying to impress the other, share as much as possible about themselves, the apprehensions and doubts,etc etc. Then the wedding shopping, planning... 

And Voila! The D day is here. The usual confusion and mayhem prevails during the wedding also... and soon its all over or should I say its all beginning of everything!

Let me not say more now... Just 

Wishing them a happy and blissful married life!


No comments: